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What is your relationship with happiness? The answer probably seems obvious. You want to be happy, and the way in which you pursue joy defines your relationship with this powerful emotion. A good answer, but not always the whole story. Dig a little deeper, and you may find a surprisingly complicated relationship.
In small, day-to-day decisions or in big life choices, do you find yourself consistently putting off what makes you happy in favor of doing something you think will bring you joy later on?
Deferred happiness, delayed joy
Deferring your happiness is the idea that you put off your own happiness until you’ve achieved some “thing,” whether that’s more money, a promotion, a relationship, or any other goal you’ve set for yourself. This doesn’t mean you don’t value or want to experience joy, just that you’d rather wait until a specific milestone is met. But when you relegate yourself to only experiencing joy in the future, you may forget to enjoy your life now. You let yourself get stuck in an unsatisfying present, waiting for a future, imagined happiness that’s always just around the corner.
That’s not to say thinking and planning for the future isn’t necessary and important. You probably have big goals attached to personal and professional milestones. You probably also have smaller, micro goals, too—tasks that must be handled. Between all this planning and focusing on what’s to come, what’s often missing is accounting for your happiness now.
The happiness hierarchy
Have you really thought about where happiness falls in the hierarchy of your life? Does your personal fulfillment and what you need to feed your soul even make it onto your short- or long-term to-do lists? Deferred happiness ties in with the belief that happiness is a privilege that should be awarded to you for accomplishing those goals. You might think, “I’ll allow myself to take that trip when I get a promotion,” or “I can slow down at work when my bank account has $X amount of money in it,” or even, “I can take a break today only after I’ve crossed everything off my to-do list.”
I can go on forever with this line of thinking because I have negotiations like this with myself all the time. I know I have a tendency to defer my own happiness, because the burden of what I need to get done is never totally gone from my mind. My thoughts are on the future, believing there will be time to do what makes me happy. I see that time as when I’ve reached a certain level of professional success or when I’ve made enough money. That outcome isn’t assured, though, because knowing the future is impossible. So, I have to ask: What am I missing out on today by delaying my happiness to tomorrow?
If you perceive happiness as an indulgence, you’ll never be without a justification for procrastinating. Your internal narrative will say, “Let me just get this task out of the way before I do something I enjoy.” While you may be able to rationalize putting off what you want to do in favor of what you think you have to do, there are just as many compelling reasons to embrace happiness.
Allow yourself happiness
Prioritizing joy can give you more fulfillment in your life, improving your relationships while supporting your mental and emotional well-being. Embrace happiness and you may find you’re even better equipped to reach your goals.
The perfect moment you’ve been waiting for may never arrive. Loved ones won’t always be around. Travel opportunities aren’t guaranteed. That promotion might not happen, your savings may not hit the target you imagined, and experiences you’ve delayed can slip away.
Make happiness a priority whenever possible. The future is uncertain, so embrace joy and make space for it today.