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Regardless of your political persuasion or preference, there’s no ignoring the upcoming elections. For most of 2024, they have consistently ranked among the top news stories in the U.S. There’s also been an endless torrent of confrontational political advertisements, signs, and rhetoric that has taken over the national consciousness. Whether you care deeply about the results or are simply waiting for the constant political messages to stop, the aggressive and hostile tone of this election has probably affected you.
The end of the election season is in sight, but the lack of decorum in politics seems unlikely to stop—this new normal is presumably here to stay. Setting polarizing politics aside, when you look at the current state of the system, there is a clear issue: a lack of willingness to negotiate.
Negotiation can save democracy
Bring Yourself includes an appeal to use negotiation to save democracy. The closing chapter of my book, called “How Negotiation Can Save Democracy,” is a poignant reminder that the power of words can be used to either build or break the future.
Many of the country’s most impactful political movements gained acceptance when families had tough conversations about opposing views. Karen Tamerius, founder of the progressive advocacy group Smart Politics, said, “Throughout American history, important strides were made because people dared to share their political views with relatives. The civil rights movement, the women’s movement, the antiwar movement, the gay rights movement, the struggle for marriage equality—all gained acceptance through difficult conversations among family members who initially disagreed vehemently with one another.”
Hearing an opinion that clashes with your own can be uncomfortable. Taking the time to understand someone else’s beliefs can require genuine curiosity, a skill that is especially important for politicians—whether or not they realize it. Communication isn’t always easy when emotions are involved, but for a democracy to succeed, a willingness to try, regardless of how challenging the effort, is necessary. Even if engaging in this way isn't a natural tendency, understanding why someone feels the way they do is necessary to change their mind.
Cooperation takes work
Political conflict is nothing new in the U.S., but the tone has certainly changed in the last decade. When opinions among leaders differ, there seems to be little cooperation or compromise to find a solution beneficial to everyone. Instead, some politicians are choosing to attack, turning even minor differences into massive conflicts.
When they do interact, they seem convinced they know everything. Do they enter into any debates determined to learn about the other side? To be curious and ask thoughtful questions? Or even truthfully admit they don’t have all the answers? There doesn’t seem to be much evidence of this kind of communication in politics right now.
Going into any negotiation with a closed-minded mentality means you won’t be able to hear the other side of the discussion or acknowledge any valid point they have, making compromise impossible. This tactic doesn’t work in life, in negotiations, and definitely not in politics. Skillful negotiation takes work, but preserving democracy is worth the effort.
When democracy is not at stake, there is a caveat that applies. If you’re unable to find a middle ground or mutual understanding of politics in a personal relationship, feelings of frustration are understandable. Without willingness from both participants, a constructive conversation about opposing views can be impossible and continuing to try can be damaging. To preserve your own emotional health, you can give yourself the grace and permission to avoid those discussions or people if needed.
The Washington of the past
Stepping away isn’t an option for politicians. Observing the over-the-top antagonism in politics, you could easily allow the disappearance of bipartisanship to get you down. This hasn’t always been the case. The Washington of the past has seen friendships that reached across the aisle, like Senators Ted Kennedy and Orrin Hatch, or the close kinship between Senator John McCain and President Biden. Even images of the Bush daughters teaching the Obama girls how to slide down the White House banister evoke the feeling of something we’ve lost.
When asked about her unlikely friendship with former President Bush, former First Lady Michelle Obama said, "Our values are the same. We disagree on policy, but we don’t disagree on humanity. We don’t disagree about love and compassion. I think that’s true for all of us."
When you consider the issues that face the country, the idea that the desire to protect some of the most basic tenets of society isn’t universal can be surprising. A shared goal of basic democratic rights, free and fair elections, timely and effective disaster relief, a fair and unbiased justice system, and a functioning government that supports the people shouldn’t be at issue. How those goals are achieved can and should be debated, but those discussions should lead to better, stronger solutions. Unfortunately, somewhere along the way, politics became more important than people.
These examples can inspire hope for the future because there was a time when the goal of solving problems was more important than being right. Despite the lack of cooperation in the current political institutions, a return to healthy negotiation tactics is possible. The current system is in disrepair, but what's been broken can be fixed.
Hope for 2025
Negotiation can save democracy, but only if the principles of fair and balanced bargaining are followed. The goal doesn’t always have to be converting the other side. A respectful dialogue doesn’t necessarily change minds, but it can open hearts.
When you really, truly listen, you build understanding, trust, and a level of connection that can transcend political convictions by placing personhood above party. Democracy is bigger than one party but can’t thrive in the vitriol of name-calling, personal attacks, and slander so often seen in U.S. politics. This country is better than what it’s become, and negotiation can help build back what has been lost.